The Inner Child: Cultivating Connection and Rediscovering Joy

6. 10. 2026

You say yes, even when you'd rather say no. A critical remark stays in your head long after the other person has forgotten it. You don't want to disappoint anyone, so you'd rather back down. Or you feel like you have to manage everything yourself. Do you recognise yourself?

How we react in similar situations today began to form in childhood. Back then, we noticed what was expected of us, what earned praise, and what, conversely, caused disapproval. What we learned then can be reflected in our behaviour many years later.

This is where the concept of the inner child comes in. But it's not just about old wounds or unpleasant memories. It also includes what we naturally had within us as children: playfulness, curiosity, spontaneity, and the ability to enjoy the little things. Children don't worry so much about how they appear to others or whether they're doing something perfectly. They just are.

It's therefore worth taking a closer look at your inner child. Not just at what we carried from childhood, but also at what we forgot on the way to adulthood.

What is the inner child?

We can understand the inner child as a part of our experience connected with childhood, its emotions, needs, and experiences. A child naturally adapts to the environment in which they grow up. One learns that praise comes from good results, another that it's better not to misbehave too much. Another learns to back down to avoid conflict, and someone else gets used to looking after others primarily.

These experiences can later influence, for example, how we react to criticism, how easily we can say no, how much we need the approval of others, or how strict we are with ourselves. This doesn't mean that we have to look for childhood reasons behind everything we experience in adulthood. However, some connections are worth noting.

And it's equally important not to forget the other side of the inner child. The creativity, imagination, joy, and inner freedom. A child doesn't need everything to have a result or a benefit. They can dance because they feel like it, laugh at small things, or fully immerse themselves in something that an adult would find completely insignificant.

How to recognise when the inner child is speaking?

Sometimes the intensity of our reaction can be a clue. Someone doesn't reply to our message, and after a few hours, we're already wondering if we said something wrong. Someone asks us for a favour, we don't have the time or inclination, but we automatically say yes. A minor criticism stays with us all day, or we feel the need to defend ourselves, even though no one is asking us to.

Similarly, fear of rejection, a need for praise, difficulty setting boundaries, or excessive self-criticism can manifest. This doesn't mean that every unpleasant emotion is related to childhood. Rather, it's worth noticing situations that repeat themselves and what they evoke in us. That's where we sometimes discover something we haven't paid attention to before.

How to work with the inner child?

There isn't one right way. Some find journaling helpful, others meditation, therapy, spending time in nature, or creating. But you can start simply. Close your eyes and try to imagine yourself as a small child. Recall what you were like then, what you liked, what made you laugh, what you were afraid of, and what you lacked. What would you want to tell that little self today? Would you be as strict with them as you sometimes are with yourself?

When we start to focus on our inner child, we often come across several themes that naturally intertwine in our lives. These include how we accept ourselves, how we set boundaries, what brings us joy, and how much we allow ourselves to be ourselves. These themes can also be connected with aromatherapy and essential oils, which can pleasantly accompany individual moments.

1. Acceptance and kindness towards oneself

We are often much stricter with ourselves than with the people we love. We shouldn't be sad. This shouldn't upset us. We need to pull ourselves together. Others manage more. 

In our heads, we can find many reasons why we should be different, calmer, or stronger. But feelings don't always follow what we can rationally explain.

Acceptance doesn't mean we have to like everything about ourselves or that we stop developing. It means rather stopping the constant struggle with ourselves. Acknowledging what we are feeling right now, without the immediate need to judge or change it.

The path leads from the mind to the heart. From ideas of who we should be, closer to who we truly are. After all, as the French writer Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote, "one sees rightly only with the heart". Not even the moon is perfectly smooth, the sea is not always calm, and the sky is not always cloudless. Yet we do not question their beauty. So why do we so often expect perfection from ourselves?

The essential blend Inner Child is associated with themes of tenderness, safety, and acceptance. It can accompany meditation or moments when we want to quiet our inner critic and be kinder to ourselves.

2. Boundaries and the courage to say "no"

Sometimes we know exactly what we don't want, and yet we say yes. We take on another responsibility, we stay silent when something bothers us, or we give in just so we don't disappoint anyone. Behind the effort to please others often lies the fear of how our answer will be received.

Healthy boundaries are not a rejection of others. They help us remain ourselves in relationships. And they don't have to sound harsh. Sometimes it's enough to say: I can't today. This isn't comfortable for me. I need to think about it. Without long explanations and without feeling that we have to justify our decision.

The essential blend NO is associated with themes of courage, self-confidence, and firmness. It can accompany moments when we know our boundaries, but we also need to voice them. People will form their own opinions about us and sometimes attribute things to us that we don't perceive as true about ourselves. We don't have to live by that. Our lives don't have to be determined by what others think of us.

3. Joy, closeness, and shared moments

When was the last time you did something just because you enjoyed it? Without a goal, result, or the need to be good at it? Children do something like this naturally. They can draw, sing, play, or get excited about something an adult might not even notice. With adulthood come responsibilities, and joy is often postponed until work is done, the house is clean, or there is finally more time. But usually, everything isn't done.

Adults like results and things that can be measured. But not everything of value can be counted. A shared dinner, a simple walk, or moments when we laugh so much we forget the time, don't need any result. Their value lies in the time and attention we give them.

The essential blend So Happy Together is associated with joy, closeness, and understanding. It can accompany shared moments, a partner's evening, an open conversation, or time spent with people we feel good with.

Try to remember what you enjoyed as a child. Drawing, music, dancing, creating, or outdoor adventures with friends? Perhaps it's time to rediscover some of that. Not because it's useful or because you need to improve at it. Simply because it brings you joy.

4. Freedom to be yourself

Children are beautiful in their naturalness. They can laugh out loud, dance when they feel like it, and not worry too much about whether they look perfect. Gradually, however, we start to think more about what is appropriate, what is expected, and what others will think of us.

Freedom in adulthood doesn't mean always doing what we want. It's more about allowing ourselves to live more authentically. Not having to please everyone, justify every decision, or constantly compare ourselves to others. Accepting that not everyone will understand us and that we cannot influence everything in life.

The essential blend Freedom is associated with the themes of freedom, hope, and joy. It can accompany moments when we realise what we no longer want to carry in our lives. We don't have to change everything at once. Sometimes it's enough to grasp one sentence that has accompanied us for years and try to say it differently. From We must manage everything ourselves, it can gradually become We can ask for help.

What we once learned is part of our story. But it doesn't have to determine how it will continue.

What if freedom means letting go of something?

When we think about change, we often look for something else we should do, understand, master, or fix. But sometimes we don't need to add another task. We need to let go of something. The idea that everything must go according to our plan, the need to have an answer to every question, old expectations that are no longer ours, or something we can no longer change.

Letting go doesn't mean giving up. It means accepting that not everything is in our hands. Life brings uncertainty, and we cannot always influence what comes. But we can influence how we approach it.

What to take away from the article

The inner child is not just about the past and what once hurt us. It also includes curiosity, imagination, spontaneity, playfulness, and the ability to rejoice. Working with the inner child doesn't have to be complicated. It can start by noticing our reactions, saying no when we really don't want something, not criticising ourselves for every unpleasant feeling, or allowing ourselves to do something just because we enjoy it after a long time.

Adulthood doesn't have to mean leaving our childlike self behind. We can retain or rediscover some of what was once natural for us. To be ourselves, even if we don't please everyone. To accept that we don't have to be perfect. To allow ourselves joy without it needing a purpose. And not to let the opinions of others dictate who we are.

As the French writer Antoine de Saint-Exupéry wrote: "What is essential is invisible to the eye." Not everything important is visible externally. It is all the more important to be able to notice how we truly feel, what suits us, where we are exceeding our own boundaries, and what, on the contrary, brings us joy.

This is where the journey from the mind to the heart begins. However, this does not mean pushing reason aside. It means not forgetting, alongside what we think, also what we feel and what is truly important to us.